One year with Kraft

It's official... I have now been a working girl for exactly one year today. I actually made it and I have to say that it feels amazing. The funny thing is, this is the longest job i have ever worked consecutively. There were no breaks, no summer vacations, no stops between school. I actually did it. When I look back to last year, I remember how absolutely excited I was. I was nervous and in complete awe of everything. I had worked so hard to get here that I was practically speechless. It has been a good year though. Slightly stressful, slightly confusing, but completely worth it. I learned a lot and I still have a lot to learn. I feel that I grew up a bit this past year, but I still have a lot of growing up to do. I have had some amazing experiences and met some amazing people as well. Here are some of the things that I have been up to this year... One thing I can say is that a year goes by FAST... I mean really fast, I don't think that I ever remember school going by this fast. It feels like just yesturday I was starting out. Where has the time gone? I hope that next year doesn't go by so fast because i'm not all that sure I'm ready to grow up yet. I still feel young, I am young, but i'd just like it to stay that way. All in all, it was an amazing year, and I only hope that next year will be just as amazing if not more. I am so grateful to be where I am today. I think that I have worked hard to get here and it only shows that hard work really does pay off. Thanks to everyone that helped get here.

i was "that girl" again

I'm the first one to admit that I have been "that girl" many times in my life. Now in case you're confused, "that girl" is that completely wasted ridiculous girl at the party. Well, shes been retired for over a year now and I have to say, she came back this past weekend........ And I LOVED it. I'm not gonna lie, I really did. I guess I sometimes just miss that lifestyle especially when I was reliving it with my best friends in the world. Thats what I love about them the most is that I can be "that girl" and its okay. I can be more myself around them than anyone else and its completely acceptable. Because being myself is sometimes a bit crazy and I've learned to realize that maybe not everyone can handle it. I've definitely learned to tone things down a bit this year, but its nice to act that way sometimes and not care because i know that no one else really cares either. Or maybe they do, but at least they can handle it. I was reading a blog posted by sara http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/10/odyssey-years.html . After reading this I realized something about my life this past year that i've been missing. I'm missing that so called odyssey years because I jumped so fast into the rest of my life. DOn't get me wrong, I'm completely satisfied with the life that I have and the job that I have. I wouldn't give it up, but I feel like I missed out on those years. The years to extend the college lifestyle in an adult world. The years to travel and see things. The years to experience life without worrying about anything. I feel as though I may have missed out on those years to explore and figure out what I fully want out of life.

I was depressed about all of this (missing plattsburgh and my friends and the odyssey years) for about 30 mins until I realized that I'm not missing out on anything. That I already semi know what I want out of life and I that I can still experience these things, with the career that I have. I may not be able to do everything that I wanted, but at the same time I don't have to grow up completely either. I can still live life to the fullest and work hard at the job that I'm in. I can learn to balance out my work life and play life and I can explore the world at the same time. I can do all of the things that are spoken about in the article while still staying focused on my career and the rest of my life. I can do all of this because I'm still young enough to do whatever I want. So, maybe I don't want to be "that girl" every weekend or every night, but I can still enjoying spending time with friends and making new ones along the way. I can still enjoy travelling (maybe in smaller more spaced out time frames than I'd hope) I can still do it.

I have no regrets in life, I have no regrets about the life I have chosen. I also realize that my life is not over and from past experience can tell me that the future is completely unknown and completely unpredictable. I can do whatever it is that I want in life and what I want in life may change tomorrow. As long as I'm happy with where I am, I think things are going to be okay. I may still feel like a child trapped in this very adult world scratching to get out, but I guess I'll just have to take another trip up to plattsburgh or to visit my friends to get a break from it all. I do miss plattsburgh and I do miss my friends and my old life, but I'm absolutely loving my new life and my new friends that I have right now. No complaints in this department...

another year

i thoroughly enjoyed 22. it was a good year for me and i have to admit that i'm sad its ending. yeah, so it started out a bit rocky, but thats just part of life. all in all, i enjoyed being 22. i enjoyed saying i was 22. i enjoy the number 22. Everything about being 22 was just simply great. its like still young enough to get away with so many things, but old enough to do whatever you want to do. And so many great things happend this past year. I got an amazing job that I absolutely love, I went to Japan, I met some amazing new friends, and I got to visit and spend time with some old friends as well. I went to the west coast and saw san fransisco. I rode my bike across the golden gate bridge, 22 was an amazing year!! 23 is that much closer to adult hood. I mean yeah i am an adult now, but i'm still a young adult, still fresh to the world so its ok, it lets me get away with a lot of things. The older you get the more mature you have to become. The more responsible you have to become. and to be honest.... I'm just not so sure if I'm ready for all of that. I'm still in kid mode and I'm not sure that I'm ready to leave it. But I guess I have to right? Because, thats just part of life. Thats what happens, we get older, we get wiser, and we enjoy the journey as much as we can. I'm sure that 23 will be just as great of a year as 22 was. Actually, I know that it will!! So enough venting about turning 23.... I'm ready and its going to be great, so here we go...................

San Fransisco

its been a few weeks since i got back, but its been a crazy few weeks as well. San Fransisco was amazing. I fell in love with that city it was absolutely gorgeous there. After a long flight plus spending the night in LAX airport, I quickly found my way to lacy's house, took a shower, got ready, and headed off in search of the Bart. It wasn't too hard to find, I had a map and when I got a bit lost a nice man showed me where to go. I walked with him there and found out that he used to live in Saratoga Springs!! very exciting! I soon found out that it was "spare the air" day, meaning all public transportation was free. I headed into the mission for a good mexican lunch. After that I hopped back on the bart to embarcadero and jumped on a cable car. I had somewhat of an idea of what i wanted to do today, but no set plans. I rode the cable car all the way up California street and finally decided to get off, otherwise I would just be riding that all day. Now, I had studied the map of San Fransisco before I left, but I didn't have a hard copy since it was too big to print out. I knew that Lombard street was close to where I was so I started to walk in the direction that I thought it would be. All of a sudden bam there it was!! It was really neat I took some pictures, walked down it, took more pictures, and then stood there trying to plan my next move. I knew that I wanted to go to the golden gate bride, but I didn't know how I was going to do this. Should I just walk across it? But that would be a long far walk just to simply get to the bridge. Maybe I should take a cab? How much would that cost though? I started walking in the general direction while I contemplated what to do. All of a sudden I stumble upon a bike rental shop!! PERFECT!!! So I rented a bike and off I went. Now, I hadn't rode a bike in about 10 years, but its true when they say its just like riding a bike, I got on and a bit wobbly at first, but I was off!!

Now, for those of you know don't know, I have this mild obsession with bridges. I absolutely love them, so riding a bike across the golden gate bridge was pretty much a dream come true. I was in heaven!! And it was sooo beautiful. There wasn't any fog at all, it was completely clear and beautiful. I rode my bike across to a little town called sausaleto. This was such a cute town, I wanted to move there!!!! I tried to catch a ferry back to san Fransisco, but missed it and since the next one wasn't coming for an hour, I decided to simply ride back. I then headed toward fisherman's warf to check it out and then back to oakland to get some dinner with lacy. All in all, it was the perfect day!.

Day 2 started out awful. Lacy dropped me off at the Bart station on her way to work. Getting on the bart I then realized that I forgot my ticket to Alcatraz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I went back to lacy's bart station, walked all the back to her house, called a cab, thinking it would be faster since it took about a half hour for me to walk there. Only to realize that it took the cab a half hour to get there!!! But, needless to say I made it and alcatraz was awesome!! I highly recommend anyone take this tour if they ever get a chance, because it was very interesting. After that I went down to peir 39 to see the sea lions, went to giradelli square for some chocolate, and had lunch at this cute little Italian restaurant. I was super tired today so I went shopping for a bit and then headed back to meet up with lacy.

Day3 was just as good as the rest. We started out going to Castro for some lunch, then headed to haight ashbery (which has some awesome shops!! too bad I ran out of money by now!!). We then stopped in golden gate park, relaxed a bit before heading to see the full house house!! Totally cool, its called postard row because its one of the most photographed spots in the city and has been seen in numerous movies and tv shows. After that we went shopping and headed into Berkely for some dinner. We then went to this prett rose garden and you could see the san fransisco bay from there and it was soo beautiful. We went back to play cards and lacy dropped me off at the airport... It was an amazing trip and an amazing city I highly suggest anyone to go visit it someday!!

Exercising your mind

Creativity can either be born in you or you can work at it. I always thought that there are either creative people or uncreative people. I always felt that I was one of those uncreative people. This can be challenging, especially when I am in a profession and trying to work my way up in a profession that needs a lot of creativity. So why did I choose this? I like the field that I am in. Even though I never felt too creative, I enjoyed what I was learning and looked forward to being a part of it.

I have learned that creativity can also be learned, its simply called exercising your mind. During the three day seminar I just attended, our instructor would start the class, as well as after every break with a contest. We were paired up with one other person and he asked up various trivia questions from a game called mind trap. An example of a question was this.... Forward I'm heavy, backward I'm not... What am I? I'll let you think about this for a minute....
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Give up yet? The answer is a TON... Forward its heavy backwards its N-O-T. My partner and I (also the two newest and youngest members of the group!!) did not ever win a prize in this game. At the beginning of the seminar no one was getting any of the questions right. By the end, people were getting more and more questions right. The point of this game was not to simply entertain us in the middle of our intense workshop, but to simply exercise our minds. These types of questions forces you to "think outside of the box." The more and more you work on activities like this, the more you creative you will become. I also learned another technique of creativity from someone who was an artist. I was talking to her one day and I said, i wish I was creative like that. She told me different things that they would do in her art classes to practice creativity. One was they were told to come up with some type of object, for example and apple. They were then told to draw and apple 100 different way.... for example it could be a picture of a simple apple, apple of your eye, apple tree... etc. The point of this exercise is that within those 100 drawings that you made there should be at least one original idea.

My new goal, is to work on these types of exercises. I think that it will not only help with my creativity, but like I said, it will help me to learn how to "think outside of the box" so that when a problem arises I will be able to think on my feet and act quickly. I'm hoping that with all of these new techniques that I have learned, that I actually apply them to my job so that I can improve.

is college teaching us anything?

A little over a year ago I graduated from college after 4 years. Soon after I began my life in the work force and here i am today. Right from the start I felt lost. I felt like i was in a completely different world, unable to understand what was going on around me. I am in what is known as the "real world," quite different from what college is. The lessons that i learned in college could not always be put to use in the real world. College did not prepare me on how to deal with dsr's and customers. It did not prepare me on how to deal with working towards a sales goal one month and a completely different one the next. It did not prepare me to know what to do when a customer is out of a product that is no longer in stock and needs to get some now. I have felt so many times over the past year, that college has simply not prepared me for many of the situations and challenges that i have been faced with this last year. I expected all of this. I expected that the lessons we learn in the classroom are going to be somewhat different when being applied to "real life" situations.

Little did i know, however that even the lessons that i learned in school can be somewhat outdated and incorrect. This entire week i have been taking part in a customer oriented selling workshop seminar. It is to "refresh" the minds of the older sales rep as well as teach the new sales reps the ways of selling. I was excited about the class because you can always learn something new, and especially being in a class with others who have had much more experience than me. Now, Kraft has not done the best job at offering any type of formal training, so when the opportunity arose, i jumped on it. I was also interested, because since i did just come from college and have taken similar classes in college i felt prepared. I was used to the classroom and homework and exams so I thought this class would be a great refresher for me while gaining knowledge from the other experienced sales people at Kraft. Only a few days into the class and I am utterly shocked at what i have learned. I have learned more in the past few days that i did an entire semester at my sales class in college. Not only that but the techniques that I have been learning in this class are completely negating the lessons and techniques that I originally learned in my college class. Apparently, the lessons that I was learning in college were 'outdated' and more of the old school style of sales. Times have changed, the customer has changed, and therefore our sales skills must changed. This would be fine if I attended college 10 years ago, but I'm talking 1 year since i took this class, it shouldn't be this outdated. I thought that coming right out of college and into the job that I have would give me somewhat of an advantage because I just left school and learned these lessons and skills and have fresh ideas. Apparently, what I learned in school were not "fresh" ideas, but old ones that are outdated and not practical anymore. This slightly disturbs me because, why go to school if everything you learned there, you are simply going to be told that you learned the wrong way of doing things. The one class that should help me the most in my line of work has actually hurt me, since it taught me the wrong skills.

What are students learning in college today? I'm beginning to question if I learned anything useful that can be applied to the real world. I'm beginning to question if I learned anything at all. I'm beginning to wonder why so much money was spent on an education that is teaching me the wrong skills. So what is the answer to all of this? I'm not sure, but here is my guess. College cannot fully prepare us for what we are going to be doing with our lives after. It cannot predict what type of job we will be in and what type of situations we will be faced with. College can only give you the platform of which to learn by. It can only give you the basic fundamentals to your degree of study. College can give you a glimpse into what the "real world" might be like, but it cannot tell you exactly what it will be like. That is one of the biggest lessons I have learned this past year. I have to take the skills that I learned in college and be able to use them with the new skills that I am learning today.

I just spent three whole days in an intense workshop concentrating on Customer Oriented Selling. This class was there to give you the skills to use when going out into the "real world situations." Like college, it cannot give you exactly what is going to happen, it can only give you the skills to know how to handle different situations. The class was intense and definitely hard at times. We learned the material and then did role playing with video cameras and then discussed what was done right, what was done wrong, and what can be done to improve yourself. At the end of this course, however there was no final exam like in college. That is because the final exam is the actual work. Its going out and making the sales call and hopefully being successful in the process. Its taking the skills that were just learned and applying them to real life situations. The instructor was amazing. I had never had a better teacher in my entire life. He helped me immensely. He taught me the skills that I need to learn and pointed out the skills that I have to improve at (one being listening, I did everything that I was supposed to, by the book- asking questions, but he told me that I was not listening to my customer. I was simply moving on to the next question on my list) That is something that I am going to be working on over the next few weeks active listening. At the end of the course he asked for everyones opinion. And the general consensus was that it was hard, painful and he replied- Thats good because learning is painful. Learning is through experience and if the experience is always easy, then what exactly are you learning? Overall I am happy that I took part in this workshop. I look forward to the many more Kraft training sessions that go on especially with this teacher. I felt that he was able to understand not only my needs but everyones needs. He was able to understand what everyone needed to learn and how they needed to learn. That is one of the many mistakes that teachers make, they have their way of teaching and that is it. They don't understand that each student learns in a different way and that you have to be flexible to adapt to their learning technique.

some thoughts and an interesting story

This weekend was very uneventful for me. I'm trying to get caught up on some work right now since I have a busy week ahead of me. Its been getting much colder out lately and I'm slowly realizing that summer is almost over. The summer definitely flew by. But then again so has this entire year. I was talking to my boss the other day and she said to me can you believe its almost been a year? I really can't. I feel like I have definitely come along way since I started with Kraft, but I also feel like i still have a long way to go. Theres just so much more that I need to learn and practice to become completely comfortable in my position. I'm not too worried though, because someone once told me that it takes at least 2-3 years to understand the company completely. I still have time, and everyday I'm learning new things. It can get frustrating at times, when I want to prove to everyone that I am good, that I do have what it takes. Its hard to do that when I get into situations that I can't get myself out of. Its hard to do those things when I don't fully understand everything that I'm supposed to understand. I know that in time, things will work out. I simply need to be more patient and trusting that things will eventually fall into place. I've always been one of those people who has to learn through experience. The mistakes I've made, I can only learn from, but my problem is that its frustrating making those mistakes. I want to prove to everyone right now that I'm good at this job, but its so hard when I'm still learning this business.

With the cold weather coming in, I've planned one more great trip before the summer is officially over. I'm going to San Fransisco. Its a place that I have always wanted to visit, so I'm thrilled to finally get to see this city. I've heard it is very cultural, which is why I'd much rather see this city than LA. We'll see how it goes, basically I'm spending the first two days by myself exploring the city while my friends work, and the last few days at Yosemite Park with Lacy to go hiking. Its a small trip, but I'm sure that it will be worth it.

Over the weekend I was reading a story in a magazine about this girl that started whateverlife.com. I've been to this site myself before. It was started as a site for myspace layouts and has since expanded to much more. The interesting thing about this girl and her website, is that it was started two years ago in the kitchen of this 15 year old girls house. Since then she has dropped out of high school, bought a house, and makes over $70,000 a month. Its simply incredible. At age 15 to have that kind of talent to start something like this from nothing. She never had any full training and it started out as a hobby for her and her friends. She now employs her friends in her office that is in the basement of her house. She is only 17 and is not even in control over her own money. The courts ordered a lawyer to be in charge of her money since she is still a minor, neither her or her parents are allowed access. She is only allowed a certain monthly allowance unless other permission is given. She was offered 1.5 million dollars for the site, but she turned it down stating that she started it from scratch and wants to see how far it can really go. If it were me, I probably would have taken the money, but hey thats just me. Anyways that was just a little story I thought I'd share with all of you, since i found it very interesting.

Goodnight.

more detailed- japan

well i was waiting for sara to post a blog about our trip to japan, because frankly i was way to lazy to write out every detail of the trip... so here it is so far (she still isn't finished, but i will keep you up to date.)

Tokyo- http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/08/tokyo-with-julie.html

Kyoto part 1- http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/08/busy-buses-and-incoherent-japanese.html

Kyoto part 2- http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/08/takao-district-in-kyoto.html

Kyoto part 3- http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/08/july-1st-continued.html

Kyoto part 4- http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/08/sakura-wind.html

Nara- http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/08/nara-japans-first-capital.html

Miyagi (last of the trip!!)- http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/08/julie-in-miyagi.html

ramblings about nothing.....

I'm starting to get back into my normal life again... I'm trying to keep myself busy because when i'm not busy i tend to get very stir crazy. Laying around, relaxing on the couch is only fun for the first few hours, then i start to feel like a waste of life. So, i started running again, i'm still working my way back up to 4 miles, but so far so good. i am trying to eat healthy again and not so much junk food. The only reason I was eating junk food was because i was so busy and too lazy to bother with good healthy food. its a lot easier to run to a fast food place than prepare a nice and healthy meal that takes hours to cook and only 5 mins to eat. BUT, i'm trying this again regardless.

My summer is going fairly well. I've been cleaning a lot and refocusing my life back on work. I'm trying to get more organized. When i'm organized i feel much more at ease with my life and thats how i like it. My goal over the next few months is to work on saving my money. I've been putting money away and I haven't been shopping TOO much. But, my biggest problem is food. I eat out soo much. I can't help it. Its just so easy to go to a restaurant and get some take out than eat food. Even when i try to eat healthy, i just go to a restaurant and buy something healthy there. That, my friends is truly sucking up all of my money. So, new plan. Stop eating out. I have so many things that I want to do and want to buy, but I can't keep doing this when I eat out 2 meals a day every day. It just can't possibly work that way. With that said, I'm going to san fransisco in a couple of weeks and I couldn't be more excited. I've been wanting to go there for as long as i remember. I'm going to tour the city by myself the first two days, have dinner with my friend nick and then lacy and I are going to Yosemite park to go hiking! I can't wait!

August is half way over. I can't believe how fast this summer has gone by. I seriously feel like I left for Japan just last week. I have no idea where the time has gone. Luckily fall is always fun since its filled with so many holidays. I look forward to them. The holidays are my favorite time of year. Mainly because i love spending the time with my family. It just makes me feel great when everyone gets together and can just have a relaxing time, laying around, doing absolutely nothing but eating, eating, eating.. (i just realized that is one more reason that i should start working out now, so i can lose the weight, just to put it back on again during the holidays!!!)

All right, I've rambled on long enough now. I'm going to clean up a bit before I go to sleep. Good night.

summertime

When I first left college I was sad because I realized that it was the end of summer vacation. Then I thought about it and i never really had a summer vacation. I would actually work more in the summer than I did all year long. Every summer I would work 2 jobs almost 70 hours per week, just to save up enough money so that I didn't have to work all year long. With the exception of the one summer that I spent in plattsburgh. I wouldn't even go out all summer. I didn't spend any money because I would just work so much that I didn't even have time to do anything but work and sleep. Needless to say, this summer has been pretty intense. I'm finding a hard time just finding any free time because I have so much going on. And by this I don't mean that I'm working 70 hour weeks. I have been filling my weekends up so much with spending time with my friends going on weekend trips to see people. I've been having an amazing time. I think I prefer only working during the week and having weekends off to having a "summer vacation." I just thought I'd share that.

japan

I just got home after traveling for the past 48 hours and you'd think i would be tired... but no, i'm not, i'm still on japan time. So in the late hours of the night i will reflect on my trip.
I already miss it. I already miss everything about the trip. The people were so nice, everyone. Even complete strangers on the street. Everything was so clean and beautiful. The history, the culture, so many things that you simply can't find here in america. I miss it all. To be able to put in one word, two words, even a thousand words what this trip has meant to me, what it taught me, how it made me feel, what it was like... would simply be impossible. I could never describe how truly incredible it was, but i'll try my best.
Tokyo was so much fun. I was a bit tired when i arrived but i still managed. While i was still somewhat in shock that i was in japan, everything was still amazingly beautiful. The city was incredible, the streets were so clean and there was just so much to see and do. We visited some temples and parks, we went shopping and simply took in all the tokyo had to offer in the short 2 days we were there.
I think Kyoto was my favorite. There were just soo many temples to see and each one of them were truly unique and different and held their own beauty all alone. I took so many pictures so you'll have to check them out. The pictures are only from the outsides though, because sorry but no pictures were allowed inside. I must say though that they were absolutely amazing and you'll have to travel to japan one day to see how beautiful everything really was. I think my favorite place was the shrine where you had to walk through over thousands of torii in the woods. It was so much fun to see and experience I was simply in love with it! We also went to a place in the morning called tokao. There were three temples there and to get to each one we pretty much had to hike up soo many stairs and go through so many trails. It took about three hours in all, but i love nature and i love pretty scenery and i have to say this place was so pretty i fell in love! even though i hated climbing all those stairs, it was definitely worth the hike!!
Nara was amazing as well, since our last day in Kyoto we got lost so many times and missed a lot of the places that we originally planned on seeing we decided to go with a guided tour. That was the best decision we made all trip. Our tour guide was so nice and friendly she told us so many things about all the temples that we probably wouldn't have been able to know about if it weren't for her! There were deer all around and they just come up to you like its nothing. I thought that was very entertaining. We went to see the great budda. I took pictures, but believe me the pictures just don't do it justice!! this thing was soo big it took up the entire building. I just wish i could describe how big it was, but once again you'll just have to go to japan and find out for yourself!!!!!!
I think I had the most fun when we went back to sara's house. Traveling the country was fun and I loved seeing all of the major attractions. They were simply beautiful, but actually seeing japan made the trip worth while. I got to experience living in japan and what its actually like. I got to see the culture and customs first hand and it was amazing. I ate dinner with japanese families and spent time in houses that were older than the united states, who else can say they've done that??? I went to the schools and hung out at karaoke (not like here in the us, very different but a japanese favorite). We went hiking and it was beautiful.
I wish i could say more, i just don't know how to. How can you possibly describe something so beautiful it makes you speechless? How can you possibly tell about experiences that were so much fun and incredible? How can i put into words how much I learned, how much i saw, how much of an amazing experience this entire trip was? I could list all the many differences between japan and america, things like the fact that you can't smoke on the street but inside of restaurants and schools its perfectly okay. The fact that recycling is huge and everyone does it. The fact that there are vending machines every 3 feet. The fact that you can drink on the streets. That in schools the children clean the school not janitors. That the sidewalks are lined with markers for the blind. That despite the fact that it impossible to find garbage/recycling bins the streets are so much more cleaner than here in america. The fact that every foreigner is a celebrity. The fact that everyone is just so nice and willing to help no matter what. The fact that you are not offered, but served coffee or tea and a snack wherever you go. The simple fact that japan is rich in culture and customs that simply don't exist in america. That america is such a mixture of culture and traditions there is no way to describe american culture.
The trip taught me a lot. And while i may have complained about constantly being on the go and being exhausted. THe truth is i'm glad that sara kept the trip jammed pack full of activities. I'm home now and i can rest now. The entire trip was so surreal, i'm still trying to grasp what i've just done and where i've just been. I'm envious of the life that sara has and the constant experiences she gets to endure. I love my life and i'm so happy where i am, but the trip only made me think more about the things i want to do with my life. I'm not stuck right now, I know that, but sometimes i wish i can just drop everything and do what she did and take the chances and challenges to live in another country. To experience something so different from the familiar life that i know. Once day i will, I'm sure of that, but for now I have my life and i love it. I'm trying to slowly get back into it right now. So, before i end i'd just like to say that I truly hope everyone can experience the joys of traveling. That it isn't just the seeing of sights but the experience of other cultures and different lands. THanks to sara for giving me and experience i will never forget. For keeping me busy even when i didn't want to move. For showing me a completely different world that exists everyday while i'm living mine. Thanks to sara for opening my eyes to such a wonderful different world that I miss entirely too much! I was truly sad to leave, I still am. I'm sad that i'm not in Japan anymore and I'm sad that I won't be able to see sara probably for more than a year. I wish I could have stayed. I wish I could have moved onto her futon. At least now I know that I think i could do it. I truly believe that I would be able to live in another country since I was just about ready to live in japan.

Life is too short.

I'm leaving for japan in 2 days.... I'm overly excited, but a lot has also happened this past week that i can't help but be stressed out as well. i'm trying to finish my work, i'm trying to clean my house, i'm trying not to be stressed and anxious but i can't help it.
My grandfather is in the hospital and i'm worried that something will happen when i'm away. My mom has told me that she won't tell me until i get back if anything does happen. I'd like to be here for him, even though i can't. My friend got hit by a car. Probably a drunk driver, but no one will ever know, because they hit him and then left him there until someone found him in the street after. He is going to be okay, but it is going to be a long recovery. He has a fractured skull, fractured spine, fractured pelvis. How does that happen? How can one day your life be completely okay and not the next? How can someone hit a person and then just leave, like it was nothing? How do you live with yourself after that? I guess it really does tell you that life is too short. Life is too short to not live every day to its fullest. Life is too short to not tell everyone you love that you love them. Life is too short to hate. Life is too short to stay angry at someone. Life is too short to hold grudges. Life is too short to not learn how to move on, apologize and stay friends with the people who care about you. Life is just too short, because you never know what can happen.
I'm praying for my grandfather. I'm praying for chris to have a strong recovery. I'm praying for andrea and his family to stay strong during this hard time. I'm praying for all of my family and friends to know how much i love them no matter what.
I'm going to japan in a couple of days because life goes on. At least thats what i've been told.... i'm going to try and enjoy myself as much as i can and pray and hope that everyone is going to be okay.

thinking out loud

I absolutely love being with my friends. They all mean the world to me. i honestly think that our group of friends is the greatest. i think that we all have the best relationships. we all seem to get each other very well, we all care about each other so much. I knew the weekend would be fun regardless, mainly because we try our best to never complain and always make the best out of every situation. I think my favorite night was Saturday night when we all went to the boardwalk to ride go-carts and the roller coaster then to waste money on stupid carnival games. What could be more fun than spending time laughing with your friends?? Of course it would have been 10 times more fun if more people we able to come, but they couldn't and they were definitely there in spirit. Well, I'm not going to bore you with every detail of our trip we drank, went to the beach, ate food, played games... we had fun TOGETHER which is the most important.

I'm heading off to japan in a little more than one week. Right now i'm extremely stressed out. My house is a mess, after only a week ago it was perfectly spotless! but, thats what happens when you have house guests. Andrea came last week and we had the best time ever, lauren and i slightly corrupted her and it was amazing! Well, I just got back home from new jersey and it looks like my house exploded, I'm exhausted and in no mood to clean, but i'm going to have to try because for the next three days i will be in syracuse for work. After that its the weekend and i have to go out with lacy since she is moving away, clean, pack and then finish up some more work and i'm off to japan. Do you see what i mean when i say i'm extremely stressed out?? its only monday and i feel like the week is going by way to fast. As a matter of fact i have felt like that for the past few weeks. I've been so busy, time is just going by too fast for me to get any kind of grasp on it. I'm working hard to get everything settled for japan, get all my questions answered before i leave and make sure that i am fully prepared for the trip. I'm trying to figure out a way to pack the least amount of things possible so that i have plenty of room to take some stuff home with me. And besides all of that, i think sitting in this mess is enough to get me stressed out without all of the extra stuff added onto my life right now. maybe i should clean..... OR i could just lay down and relax since i know that won't be happening again for a while and deal with it later.

So, lately i've been thinking a lot about depression and how it affects people. I used to think that I was depressed, maybe i was and i was able to get over it, or maybe i was just sad a lot. I don't know how to tell the difference, it could have also been all of the different substances i was always on, but who knows. I feel like for a long time I was very unhappy with my life. I was uncomfortable in my own body and i was constantly trying to escape my life and reality, because i simply didn't like it. I didn't feel that i really had anything to live towards and i always felt like the world was against me. It seemed that the people in my life could have cared less because they weren't putting in the effort enough. it felt like nobody cared and all i wanted was for someone to. After going away to college my life changed dramatically. I'm still in awe at the person i've become, because i can see how much i've changed and grown since then. I try to understand how it all started and how my whole mindset and outlook on life changed. Because i don't necessarily think that it was my life that changed, it was me. I was able to overcome the negative thinking that i always used to do. I was able to overcome my insecurities and realize that those things really didn't matter. I'm not saying i'm always happy, but i'm also not always sad, and the most important thing is that when i am depressed or stressed or anxious, i know that it will eventually go away. I know that the smallest thing can change my mood at any given moment, its just a matter of dealing with it now and moving on with my life. I try to make the best out of any situation and always have a positive outlook no matter what. i don't worry about what other people are thinking and i don't worry what my friends if my friends care about me, because i know that they do. I have faith in that and to me thats good enough. No one really calls me, so i call them. No one really visits me, so i visit them. if i'm bored, then i go do something. if i'm sad, i'll do something that i know will make me happy. if i'm stressed, i sit down and find a way to de-stress. it takes effort to make your life okay, you just have to be willing to put in that effort. There is really no point in blaming other people for why your life the way it is because in reality you made your life this way and only you can change it.

So i guess the big question is how did this all happen? How did i suddenly become a different person?? can i tell you about me 5 years ago? Can i tell you that if i was bored i would continue to sit and be bored and probably then get depressed that i had nothing to do. it i was stressed i would cry and then get depressed about being stressed out. if i was sad, i would sit by myself and be depressed about no one making me happy. if my friends didn't call to hang out i would get depressed that none of them cared. I was shy, insecure, close minded, naive... i had no idea about anything and then one day i drastically changed. i don't know how it happened or why, but i'm definitely happier now. i'm content with my life and i know that things will be great. I know that even though this past year wasn't the best, doesn't mean the next year won't be. I know that if my friends don't call me or come to visit doesn't mean they don't care, it simply means they're lazy, so instead i'll call and visit them. I know that i am in control of my life and i can do whatever it is to make myself happy.

So now the question is what happens when the people you care about are depressed. Is there really anything you can do? I know that there probably wasn't anything anyone could do for me. I had to change for myself. I love my friends and my family more than anything else in the world, but its so hard to be around the negativity. Its hard to sit there with someone when all they have to do is complain about everything. Its hard to try and be there for someone and help someone when i know it will get no where. Its also hard to just let go of it all and realize that if they really want to change they will. It breaks my heart to see people that way and it breaks my heart to not be able to do anything about it. How can i change them? how can i get them to see that life really can be great if you want it to, that if you put the effort in you can do anything? How can i still be around them and be happy to spend time with someone, when deep down I really just don't want to. I care, but sometimes I just want it to go away. I hate feeling that way, I hate thinking that way, but i just can't help it. I guess there really is nothing left to do, but continue on with my life and concentrate on making myself happy.

North Carolina

I just got back from a really fun weekend in North Carolina. My cousin Brian was getting married, and since i looove weddings, I was all about this trip.. It took us about 1000 hours to drive down, but as soon as we got there i was ready to go out. Now, this was the first time i've been able to hang out with my cousins and be of legal drinking age, so i was more than ready for this trip. We get there and right away my cousin evan comes to pick me up and take me to the bar. We had a great night, i definitely got drunk and was able to catch up with my cousins and see what they've been up to the past few years. I spent the whole next day with my even older cousins who now have lots of little kids. We swam at the pool, hung out, and just caught up on everything. Later that night we had the rehearsal dinner. It started out as a great night everyone was eating and drinking, i finally got to meet the bride to be. I learned about a new drinking game called cornhole..... yeah only in the south will you find a game called cornhole. Anyways we drank we had fun it was a great time...... Come to find out the next morning that i had a lot more fun than i thought. Apparently we went out to the bar after the dinner and i thought i was in ny and was going to walk home.... yeah

Well, the wedding was beautiful... i had the greatest dress on!! i'm now home, back to work... Going to wildwood, nj in a couple of weeks and then to japan a couple weeks after that. i can't wait. it will definitely be good times all around~

Adventures at the stip club

So when you first start dating someone what else is a better date to take them on than a strip club??? i know, i know, you're thinking.. ummmm who does that???????? Well... I DO! Yes my friends I went on a date to the strip club last night. It was quite the adventure and I had an amazing time. Did I scare the guy off? That is a very good possibility.

The thing is, I'm used to people knowing who I am.. I'm used to people see me do crazy things and act like a crazy person, to me its just normal. When you go out into the real world and act that way... people just don't get it. They don't get me and they don't get that its completely normal to me. I'm 22 years old and the way I see it, I have at least 3 years left to act however I want to act and do whatever I want to do. I know that technically you're an adult when you reach 18, but is that really an adult? I don't think so, I've decided that I'm changing the legal age of being an adult to 25. I think thats a good solid number and it still gives me 3 more years of acting immature. Okay, so i know that you're wondering why i'm going off on this tyrant of acting immature and me wanting to go out and do whatever, so i'll tell you about my night.

I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, and its moving along nice. However, for those of you who don't know me, I get bored VERY easily. I simply can't keep doing the same things over and over again so when opportunity arises, i take it. My friend kevin was coming into town and him, lauren, and i decide we would like to spend the night at the strip club. I decide to invite this guy along, just to spice things up i guess (you can only go out to dinner and have the same conversation over and over again for so long). Well, I have definitely cut back on my drinking this past year, but it still doesn't mean that i'm going act all calm and normal when i drink. No, i'm going to be the same wild and crazy girl you all knew at plattsburgh. and well, thats exactly what i was like. It would have been fine if it was just kevin and lauren because they are used to that and well lauren is just as crazy if not more... actually probably more. This guy wasn't drinking and basically just sitting there watching me drink, dancing and making out with lauren, making fun of the strippers, and basically running all over the place like a crazy girl. i had a blast, i haven't drank like that in a long time and it made me miss it! To top it off, another sales rep from usfoods was there!! Perfect. Now everyone can go about talking about the girl from Kraft who takes guys to strip clubs and dances erotically with other girls. Oh did I mention the strippers kept trying to get lauren and i to dance on stage with them.. to be honest... I probably would have done it, if mike wasn't there!! haha well, i had a great night, i miss those kind of nights a lot. They make me think of plattsburgh and all the fun i had up there. it makes me miss my friends a lot, and most of all... it makes me realize that we are only young once... why grow up so fast? I have the rest of my life to act mature and settle down, why start now???

Foodshow Frenzy

This past month was a busy one for sure. I was travelling on the road a lot, doing food shows, meeting new customers, working more with the sales reps. I felt great to finally be doing work and having an impact on my company. I thought I would share with you what exactly i've been up to these past few weeks and how my job is going....

People always ask me, what exactly do you do? Well i'm here to tell you. Officially I am a customer sales representative with Kraft Food service Global North America Division. What does that job entail?? Let me explain. You go to a restaurant, cafeteria, coffee shop, whatever it may be where you are being served your food (hence food service). You sit down enjoy your meal, not wondering how everything comes together so nicely to be delivered to your plate. (I know this because I never wondered or even thought about how the food got to my plate.) Well here it is..... The customer we'll call it Julie' Restaurant just opened and needs a menu. In order to get a menu she needs food. Where does the food come from? A distributor, we'll call it JC Foods. What is a distributor? A distributor is a big place that holds tons of food products as well everything a restaurant may need, from plates, paper towel, napkins, toilet paper, etc. The distributor then "distributes" these items to customers that need them. And where do they get the food from? Kraft, along with thousands of other companys sell their products to the distributor, these companies are known as vendors. There are tons of distributors all over Big ones and small ones all fighting for the same business; Julie's Restaurant. Every week shes has a Sales Rep from JC Foods coming into her restaurant to take down the orders for the following week. She needs to take into consideration what she needs to have restocked, if she wants any specials, if she wants to change the menu and add something new, whatever it may be this sales rep from JC Foods will help her with.

Where do I come in in all of this? Well Kraft is a vendor that sells their products to Distributors all over the country such as JC Foods... For example on the retail side Kraft will pay money to keep their products on the shelf (if they are not on the shelf, then customers can't buy them). In foodservice, its pretty much the same story, Kraft pays JC Foods money to stock their products. With this money we are entitled to attend all of the JC Foods sales meetings, where we can then train their sales reps on our products and then motivate them (offering them prizes, etc.) to sell our products. With that comes food shows. Food shows are held twice a year (spring and fall) and are basically a big event for the customers (Julie's Restaurant) to come and see whats out there, get new ideas, get special deals and pricing, and eat a lot of free food. Along with the sales meetings and foodshows, I will also do "ride withs." Ride withs are basically when I ride a long with the Sales rep from JC Foods to each of their customers that day. As I ride along, I am introduced to the customer and I can then show them my products and tell them what I have to offer. Hopefully, out of the ride withs I will make an impact on the customer to buy Kraft products and also develop a relationship with the sales rep to have him/her sell Kraft products. Basically, its all about building those relationships!!!

So far, thats my job. That is what I've been doing the past few months non-stop. Theres a lot more too it as well, things like trackers and paperwork etc. but I don't need to get into that. I will also be working with more contracts and things like that, but I'm still learning and it takes time!!! So, in a nutshell, that is what I do with my time everyday. Everyday is something different and everyday I meet someone new. I love it, I'm still trying to remember everyones name or at least their face, i still have a long way to go, but I've also come a long way since December!!! Things are looking up, I just have to keep working hard and keep going to prove that I have what it takes to one day be president of Kraft!! (haha maybe thats just a dream, but a girl can dream!!!)

One Year

It has officially been one year exactly. One year ago today I was walking in graduation, receiving my diploma... i was officially DONE. It felt good, no great actually. I was happy, nervous, scared, excited... one million emotions all mixed into one. I was crying my eyes out wondering how i could ever survive without my friends by my side. I was nervous about where my life would go and what i would be doing. i was excited about FINALLY being done with school forever. i was a college graduate and officially entering into the 'real world' and my life as an adult. One year has passed and really what can i say? Right now, my life is perfect. I feel like i have everything. i feel like my transition into becoming into an adult is truly beginning to happen. i can see myself changing and growing up more and more each day. i'm completely loving every minute of it.

People sometimes ask me how i ended up doing so well. The thing is, i worked very hard to get to where i am right now. for the past four years i worked my ass off, not only to improve intellectual knowledge and expanding my mind. But i also worked at improving myself. Four years ago, i was the most unhappy person in the world. i was miserable. That's it. Nothing that happened could have changed the way i saw/viewed my life. I thought that running away from my life would magically make everything better. I thought that by going away to college and starting over new, would make everything okay. I guess in a sense it did, but it also didn't exactly happen so magically. i was still miserable. I was still unhappy. i was still a lost little girl with no sense of direction whatsoever. I quickly learned that i needed a change. That i wanted to be happy, that i wanted to lead a perfect life. The lesson i learned is that perfection is only an image of what you make it out to be. Your life can be perfect no matter where you are as long as you view it that way. If you stop wanting things to happen and start loving what you already do have, then your life will be perfect. its that simple.

I worked hard for the past 5 years to live the perfect life. Or to simply enjoy my life no matter what. You can work towards goals... but if you don't enjoy the ride there, then the goal won't even be worth it. All through college i met some of the most amazing people in the world. Some people who were just so different from what i was used to. In high school everyone was the same. Everyone tried to be the same... and well i guess i just wasn't the same. Once i got to college and became introduced to so many different and unique people, i finally felt like i truly belonged. I never had to try and act a certain way. i never had to impress anyone. i never had to work at being friends with people and keeping those friendships. Everything pretty much just flowed into place. and most of all, i was able to be myself. I was comfortable with being myself because for the first time i saw that it was okay. I saw that i was a unique individual with a great personality. I saw that my friends no matter how different they were from me, all seemed to get along so well. I saw that differences in people whether it be clothes, opinions, hobbies... really doesn't matter as long as you can sit, laugh, have a great time together. I gained so much confidence over four years that one year ago today... i truly felt ready. i felt that i could take on anything. for the first time in my life i was confident in my life. i was confident in everything. i knew that i would end up okay. i knew that everything would work out exactly the way it was supposed to.

Well, here i am. a year has gone by and it felt like a lifetime. I can't say that this was the easiest year of my life. There were a lot of struggles, a lot of disappointments, a lot of hardships and rough times, but in the end it was all worth. Those moments when you are at your worst, i truly feel that they make you into a stronger person. i feel that they help boost you into becoming a better person, as long as you are able to look at the situation and learn from it. In my final job interview (the one that got me the best job in the world!) I was asked what was your biggest failure? I thought about it, i thought really hard and i simply responded "I don't believe in failure because i think that in any situation whether it be good or bad you can ultimately learn from it. You can grow from it, you can take what went wrong and find a way to make it better. You can find a way to better yourself, and to me, any situation that you take something out of and grow from is a success..." Maybe that's what got me the job... who knows but either way i'm grateful for everything that I have in my life right now. I still have sooo much that I want to accomplish, but i'm in no hurry, because i have faith that whats meant to be will always find a way and i know now, that i'm strong enough to take on any challenge and overcome it the best way that i can. I don't see failure in my future, i see a lot more successes and i can't wait for them.

too much to think about....

In 66 days i will be in Japan. I couldn't be more excited. I've been wanting to travel for so long now and i'm finally getting that chance. Lately i've been thinking about my friends and all the things that they are doing and all the places that have been going to. I always try not to regret anything in life, because i know that everything happens for a reason and i truly do believe in fate. But sometimes its hard to look back and realize the things that I gave up. All the chances i've had to travel that I simply let pass me by.

When i first came to college, i told myself I was going to study abroad. i wanted to go to Australia. I wanted to study there for a semester and travel all over the lands. However, due to other circumstances, roommates and boyfriends and signing leases for apartments i never got to go. Maybe i didn't try hard enough, maybe deep down i was too scared, who knows. Then when i saved up enough money to backpack through europe for a month, i somehow spent every penny a few months before i went. i blew my chance to go that summer on having fun for a month over winter break. Sometimes I wish I had just done the things i wanted to when i wanted to, but life kept getting in the way.

I'm not saying its completely a loss, because I had an amazing time in college every semester i was there and i made some amazing friends. When i look back now, there isn't any semester that i would wanted to have given up for anything because of the wonderful memories that I made. And as for backpacking through europe that summer? well if i did that I wouldn't have went on one million interviews and been a master at interviewing, I may not have even landed the job with Kraft. I wouldn't have worked at boscovs, I wouldn't have met jess, and I wouldn't have spent so much time with lacy everyday and had so much fun. None of that would have happened. And while I do realize that this past summer wasn't the best, there were a lot of hard times and difficult times. It was all worth it to me now. Maybe giving up those things gave me the life I have now, which is simply amazing. And I still do have those chances to travel, i'm only 22 and i have my entire life ahead of me, its just hard watching everyone else do the things i've always wanted to do as well.

On another note, I was reading my friends blog and she was discussing American values compared to those in Vietnam and Thailand. How the media has such an influence on our lives. How over there, they live in the present and worry only about today rather than tomorrow. Why am i so obsessed with the future? why am I constantly wondering how i can save up money for later? why am i always thinking about how my life will be years down the road? why do i dream of a wedding when i don't even have a boyfriend? why am i planning what my house will look like later when i have a house all to myself right now? WHY am i always so concentrated on the future and what I want to do and how I want to live and where and whatever else i'm constantly thinking of??? What makes me think this way. Maybe its because when I jogging through my neighborhood i'm surrounding by perfect houses with white picket fences. Maybe its because i'm always watching tv and seeing a life that i will never live because its fake. Maybe its because there are simply too many things in life that i desire that don't really need. Maybe i need to concentrate on what i do have right now and simply be happy with it. I'm not saying that I'm not happy with my life right now, because i am, i'm VERY happy. But, i'm always thinking of how to make my life better. i'm always thinking about what i can do now to have a better future. Is this important in life? Do we need to concentrate so much on the future? Or should we be living in the present and not worry about it? Is there any balance to it all? and most of all, why am i even trying to plan for a future when its impossible to know what the future entails? Things always change and nothing ever works out the way you expect it to, so then why plan? why worry? why think about the future when the future you have in mind may end up completely opposite from what you expect?????

i think too much and sometimes things get to me. I feel like i need some kind of reasoning to it all and i don't know where to get it from.. Or maybe, just maybe i'm bored because all i do is work and i miss my friends. Maybe there is a simple solution to it all and thats getting out more, because the weather is nice and the winter is over and its time to get out and do something more exciting with my life. Maybe i'm just a little on the crazy side today, but hey thats happens to the best of us. ok. Good night.

Lessons in Love

I never believed in love at first sight. Especially in this day in age I find it impossible to meet someone, fall in love and boom get married. There are just so many other factors that come into play. Do you have the same interests? Do you want the same things in life? What annoys you? What doesnt? What are your values? Are you someone willing to sacrifice everything for love? And most of all.. will you still get along, will you still be in love after the honeymoon stage is over? These things take time to learn about one another. And things change. Time changes you, people change you, life experiences change you. I've always said that I would wait no less than 3 years at the least before even thinking about getting married. I always said that I wanted to wait until I was older before I got married.

On a drive down to a meeting my boss and I were chatting away I was telling her about my dreams to get married and have the perfect wedding. I told her that I wanted to wait at least 4-5 years after being with someone before getting married. Then I was shocked when she told me that she me her husband in January, She lived in Buffalo, he lived in Vermont. By September they were married and living happily in Vermont... Its now 10 years later and they are still together, still happy, still married. I didn't think that type of love existed. I didn't think you could meet someone, fall in love and suddenly know that hes the one. Granted she was 44 when they met and he was already divorced with a son. So guess my question is, is it really possible to have that love at first sight feeling and just know? And if so, is it possible today, at our age to jump on the marriage train after only 9 months of knowing someone and live happily ever after? My boss was telling me that before she met her husband she had been living with a man for 16 years. 16 years!!!!!! She never had any intentions on getting married, it just wasn't what she wanted, but then she she fell in love and those plans change.

So many people fall in love and are willing to drop everything for that person. How is it so different after living with someone for 16 years not ever wanting to get married and then meeting someone and wanting to marry them after 3 weeks. They met in January and were engaged by February. How do you go from not wanting to get married especially to someone you've been with for 16 years.. to falling in love and wanting to get married after only 3 weeks. Maybe i'll never understand that because I haven't been in love like that. Maybe it takes a different kind of love. Maybe it takes 44 years to find that love. The only problem is I don't want to wait that long.

I want to have kids and I want to have a family more than anything. The only problem is, it takes time, a womens clock I guess you could say runs out a lot faster than a mans. Also, I want to be a younger mom, I want to have the energy to run around with my children while I can. So with that in mind, i don't want to wait until I'm 44 to find the love of my life. I guess you just can't ever really tell how your life will end up. When I try to think about it, I have it all planned out exactly how I want things to go. Exactly how I want my life to happen and in my head it all plays out just so nicely. I know thats just a fantasy and I know most likely that will never ever happen. But I guess its just fun to think about. its exciting to see where my life will go, who I will meet, where I will end up. I'll never know until its here, so I guess I'll just enjoy the ride while I can.

As for my thoughts on love at first sight, I guess i've learned that it is possible, but at 22 it might be a little impossible. I'm young and still learning and still changing a lot and I still don't know a lot about life, I guess at 44 you're a little more stuck in your ways and that type of love is possible to pick up everything and get married just like that. I don't know.... life is weird.

a weekend in plattsburgh

Before i start, i'd just like to say that i was reading my about me section and it says that "i'm a 23 year old girl..." i don't know if i'm aware of this, but i'm only 22. Why i wrote that, the world may never know.

Anyways i had a great weekend in plattsburgh. i truly miss that place. i miss the area i miss my friends, i just miss the entire atmosphere. i get such a nice feeling when i'm there, i feel like i'm at home. much more so than i do here. However, things are looking up spring is finally here and the weather is getting warming, the sun is shining and i'm looking forward to summer!! I don't really have too much to talk about today....

Goals

I was reading through my journal and i came across my new years resolutions. I decided this year to write them down so that I can look back and remember what they were and make sure that i am living up to them. Instead of the usual eat healthy and go to the gym resolution (That i never follow) i decided on some new ones. A few resolutions this year, that I wanted to improve about myself and help myself to grow more. Here they are...
I want to not judge others and most importantly not worry if they are judging me
I want to really be there for my friends and accept them the way they are
I want to do something good and help out somehow.

So how am i doing you ask? I'd say very well as of right now. Its been three months and I feel much more at ease with life. I'm not in school anymore and I don't have to worry about what everyone thinks of me and I've also realized that it really doesn't matter what they think. Regardless, its my life and i'm going to do what i want with it. I have been doing the things that I enjoy, I've been taking risks and stepping outside of my box just a bit. I'm thinking this summer I'd really like to take a weekend and go on vacation by myself. Yes, thats right by my self. I feel like it could be very relaxing and enjoyable. I love having company and I love spending time with my friends and going on crazy trips and adventures, but i think i'd really enjoy just doing something on my own like that. Being independent and not needing the company of others.

I'm beginning to see who my true friends are. That was really what I wanted to do. I wanted to be there for my friends and really accept everyone for who they are. I didn't want to judge someone for anything. I've learned that I don't need the approval of others and sometimes, friends grow apart or they just realize that it wasn't meant to be. i can't get everyone to like me and i'm not going to get along with everyone as well. I'm not going to put myself in a situation where someone can walk all over me or disrespect me, its just not worth it. I need to let go of the past and let go of what those friendships were and realize what they are now. I'm not saying i completely bury the past, but i just moved on.

Lastly I want to do something good and help other people. I joined a mentoring program called big brothers big sisters. I have a little sister names Corey and her and I just starting to get to know each other. I don't know if i'll have this huge impact on her life or anything, i just hope that she will enjoy the time we spend together and it can maybe give her something in her life that she might be missing. I also think I might volunteer this summer and help out somehow. Once I get out of this cold weather, i'll be much more motivated to get out and do things.

Well, I think, three months in and i've been living up to my resolutions pretty well. Its coming close to a year since I graduated from college. It has definitely been an interesting year and a crazy one, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm doing well, looking forward to summer and enjoying my life.

Looking towards the future, I'm trying to do the best that I can and succeed at my job. I want to impress people and show that I have what it takes and can take on anything. I am in the process of joining a club called "toastmasters" Its a nation wide club designed to help people improve their public speaking and communications skills as a whole. It meets twice a month and at each meeting a few people give a prepared speech and we do an activity called table topics (That is where you are given a random topic or question anything from lamps to relationships and you have to speak about it for two minutes). Table topics are good because they help you to think on your feet and be able to talk about anything, which is good for me because my job is to mainly talk to people about whatever they want to talk about! There are also contests that you can participate in and win prizes at regional and national levels. So, those are my goals for now. Improve my communications skills and go out and sell lots of products.

I have a ton of books I've been wanting to read and they are starting to pile up, another goal I have to to read those books and stop watching so much tv its evaporating my brain!!! okay, thats all for now.

crazy

I've had a crazy week. I finally got to sit down and relax for the first time since monday, except not for long, because i now have some crazy cleaning to do this weekend! Things are looking up as of this week. I found that i'm much more calm and okay with things when they are hectic and busy. When i have a million things to do and not enough time to do them in, i feel much more at ease with life. Maybe thats because I feel like i have some kind of purpose to this all and i'm not just wasting away. Well its snowing out like crazy and i plan on laying on the couch and simply vegging out all night long. It would be nice however, to have someone to veg out with. Oh well.

So, like i said things are looking up. I have a feeling that the next few months are going to fly by. I'll be super busy with food shows every week and starting to do ride withs with the sales men. I have the wedding in may, then wildwood in june and JAPAN in July and then FINALLY summer!!! I've never looked more forward to summer in my entire life. Mainly because this will be the first summer that I'm not working every single day all day and never have time to do anything. I plan on going to the beach as much as possible, going up to my moms camp a few weekends, and going out in saratoga alll the time! I'll be able to, for the first time actually enjoy the summer and not have to worry about saving money for the school year.

I have a feeling that by this time next year i will be much more at ease with my life. Right now things are confusing, I don't know which way is up and i'm alway axious about something. However, i'm starting to settle in. I'm starting to relax and realize that i don't need to take certain things so seriously. i don't need to rush my life, i need to sit back and enjoy it at much as possible. i feel like i'm always in a rush for something and i don't know how to just slow down and enjoy the things around me. i mean, i'm young i should enjoy being young before its gone and i'm wondering where it went. to be honest, i don't even know what i'm in a rush for. I just always have that feeling of waiting and hoping that something will come fast.

With that said, I'm going to sit back and enjoy my first night off in a while and relax and enjoy the simple things in life. Like vegging out on the couch!

Life's Roller Coaster

After reading a friends blog about her journey living in japan and the challenges shes facing. It got me to thinking about life and the constant roller coaster we are always on. She was going over the challenges to everyday life and it made me realize that even though we are both in an entirely different situation we are going through a lot of the same challenges. She is struggling with the language barrier and trying to understand everyone. In the business world, little did I know that they have their own language as well, with terminology that I simply do not understand and have to have my boss translate everything to me. It's a constant struggle to learn, remember, and be able to use and understand things about business that I simply did not learn in school.

She also talks about building new relationships. She said that the people in Japan don't know her as she was back home and the people back home don't know her as she is in Japan. I think this is common for everyone leaving college and entering into the real world. It is time to grow up and act more mature, but at the same time I just want to let loose and go crazy every now and then. I've been getting close to my boss, talking about everything from friends, to boys, to work, vacations. But sometimes I wonder, where do I cross the line? I've had the problem of being way too honest for my own good. I simply can't lie and if I do, I promise I will tell you that I lied to you shortly after. I just want everyone to know the real me without any boundaries, but I guess in some situations with some people you have to put up a shield and they don't necessarily need to know everything about you. They can simply know the you now, and the you as you continue to grow from here on out.

The last thing I wanted to talk about is Life's Roller coaster. My friend was explaining that her decision to stay another year in Japan was tough, because while most days she loves it. There are just others days when she can't stand it. A really bad day will turn out good by simple little things. I find this in my life all the time. And looking back, it's not just now, it's always been that way. I've had so many experiences where I just felt like I couldn't take it anymore. From people being rude to me, getting lost on the road for hours, nothing going right. I wanted to scream and cry and just quit right then and there. And then, in an instant I had one great account. The person was nice and actually needed my help, he was so shocked that I just showed up he wasn't at all mad for me dropping by without warning. He said he had been wanting someone to come by to help him out with some issues. I felt so great after leaving there that the entire rest of the bad day just sort of floated away and I was great. I loved my job and it was so rewarding after visiting 8 other accounts, that one account just made everything worth it.

The smallest things in life can change an entire emotion. Whether it be getting to a good account, having some students eat lunch with you, have someone simply be nice to you, or even have a stranger just smile to you on the street. I believe that the good things in life really do outweigh the bad. And if you can just hang out to those good moments and remember them when things seem so bad that you just want to quit, you will make it through, and be happy that you did. Life is a roller coaster. There are going to be so many ups and downs. Some really high ups and some really low downs. But in the end, its usually worth it. Just keep going, keep looking forward, and keep smiling because you never know when you could make someone Else's bad day, just turn around.

i think

i think...

i think people who judges someone without even knowing them are missing out on meeting some great people

i think being honest and fessing up to when you make a mistake will make you a much more respectable person

i think people who can't stand to be alone will never really be able to appreciate a relationship

i think people who don't learn from every single experience is missing out on so much wisdom

i think people who have to try to be liked... are trying to like themselves

i think people who find peace in chaos have the right idea

i think that people who are obsessed with being perfect will never be happy because perfection doesn't exist

think that the values of our society are completely ridiculous.... and i'm a victim of them

i think that people who stay in the same place forever are missing out on a world of opportunities

i think having an open mind is the most important trait

i think i'd love to be in love

i think that people who don't value their friendships, don't even value themselves

i think that i love people who look like they are carrying a wonderful secret

i think normalcy is a terrible word and should never be spoken

i think television can destroy your mind... i think it destroyed mine

i think that i want to experience every single part of life to the greatest extent possible

i think that i have a lot to learn.....

i think too much. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, sometimes it helps me to be sane, sometimes i think that i over think things. Sometimes life really doesn't make sense. Sometimes other people don't make sense to me. Sometimes, i realize... or other people help me to realize that I can't be concerned with other peoples lives... and that my life is the one i should concentrate on. Sometimes i wish i could make sense of everything... and then i realize that i can't and so i can only make sense of my life and my own thoughts and myself and how i want to live. What i want to value, and what i want out of life. from sex and the city "The most challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. and if you find someone to love the you, you love, well that's just fabulous."

waiting...

So, those of you who know me well and spend time with me know that i'm obsessed with weddings. I absolutely love everything about them, ever since I went to my cousins wedding when i was younger I literately fell in love with the idea of having an amazing wedding. I have it completely planned out everything from the place, the dress, the flowers, the cake and the honeymoon. That was the easy part. Finding a groom on the other hand proves to be a bit more difficult.

Now, I'm not saying that I want to get married right now or anytime in the near future. In fact marriage for me is in the far off distance. Right now, I just started this amazing job where i really have to focus and work hard. I really can honestly say that I don't want or need a boyfriend. Not that I wouldn't welcome one, but I guess I'm just not going out looking for one. Its too much of a distraction and right now I want to spend time with my friends and hang out and go crazy, travel, do anything i want to, while i'm still young. I have my whole life to be with someone, so I don't really want to start that right now. However, I would like to know that there will be one waiting for me when I am ready. When I want to settle down, it would be nice to have that reassurance that someone will be there. I know, I know, its so far away and so much can happen in that time, but like i said. It would just be nice to have that reassurance.

I don't think I've ever been in love. Actually I know I haven't. I've been in lust. In head over heals for you kind of lust, but it wasn't love. I was in limerence, I guess sara's the only one who knows what that means, but I guess its kind of like lust, sort of.

I was thinking earlier about the ideas of soul mates. And i think its kind of stupid. I mean there are billions of people in the world and you supposedly have one soul mate. How are you ever supposed to find that person. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, what if my soul mate lives in africa?? I'll never find them. Like I said, its stupid, maybe i just don't get it......

So this valentines day was very sad. I sat at home, alone, snowed in. I miss plattsburgh. Plattsburgh, I was surrounded by people all the time. At a moments notice I could call up any one of my friends and hang out with them. We could do anything, we could sit and watch a movie, go to the gym, go to the bar, go out to eat, study, go shopping, whatever. We could do anything. And on valetines day, even if I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, I still always had a date. One of my friends would always take me out. Now instead when I want to hang out with someone, I have to practically schedule an appointment to do so. Its like doing things at a moments notice just doesn't exist anymore. Everything is planned and set up so that it fits into their schedule. I miss plattsburgh.....

Speaking of plattsburgh... er sara... I bought my ticket to japan!!!! I'm so excited I can't wait. I think it might be the most exciting thing in my life thus far. So now, I'm waiting. Waiting to see my friend, waiting to go to japan, waiting for summer to get here. Since I need to save up money, I'll be going out as little as possible the next couple of months. Which is good since its cold out and I have to schedule appointments to see my friends, I won't have to worry about that so much.. So waiting for summer to get here... I hope it comes soon!

i miss summer

I miss summer. It was so warm outside today, it made me realize how much i love and really miss summer. It is by far my absolute favorite season. I love the weather, i love the sunshine, i love the clothes i get to wear, i love swimming, i love airconditioning, i love grass and flowers, i love the beach and the lake, i just love everything about it. i drove around all day (working) with my windows down and music playing, i just felt soo much better about life and i realized its because its no longer cold. i think that all the bad moods i've been in have been directly related to the weather. i hate winter, i hate cold, i hate snow, i hate ice, i hate winter clothes... i HATE winter.

So i know this is sounding like a terribly boring blog, but I just don't have much else to write about write now, besides that fact that i'm so excited that it was warm outside today. Also, this summer, for the first time since before i can remember, I have weekends off!! I am usually working working working, but this summer I don't work weekends!! I decided I'm going to do something every single weekend, whether it be go to the beach or to my moms camp or on a weekend trip or out drinking every night, whatever, I'm doing it because I can!! and also, I'm going to save up all my money until summer and not go out, not go shopping, not go out to eat for every single meal and save up so that I can have tons of fun this summer.!!!! okay, goodnight.

Studying...

I remember "studying" in college. I remember staying up all hours of the night cramming as much information into my brain that was humanly possible. I remember making acronyms in order to memorize pages and pages of information. I remember spending countless hours in the learning center with my marketing pals quizzing each other and having a good time, trying to lighten the situation. I remember waking up after only 3 hours of sleep to refresh my brain and study more so that I was positive nothing fell out of my head overnight. I also remember taking the test and nailing it. I remember hitting every mark because all of that studying actually paid off and I knew everything. And then I also remember forgetting everything practically a few hours after taking the exam. Well that's what college was. There were too many classes and too much information to retain it all.

Welcome to the real world.... Studying means studying to learn the material and remember it. It means not simply reviewing just to say that you did, but to be able to take that information and repeat it to a customer. Studying means you have to actually pay attention and let the information sink in rather than memorize and forget later. You can't forget this stuff, because its your job to remember. I am slowly starting to get a huge slap in the face that school is over. I'm not doing this "studying" just to get good grades, but I'm doing the studying to make money. To make money for my self, my company, my co-workers. People are actually counting on my to study and remember what I learned and use that information to expand their business.

Today, my boss told me something that really made realize that I need to step it up a notch. I need to stop slacking off and acting like I am still a student with nothing to lose but a bad grade. She told me that I was pretty much one of the only people in the entire company that hired straight out of college. She said that most people they hire will have a few years of sales experience or at least food service experience under their belt, I on the other hand, have none. She told me that I impressed them in my interview because I was able to sell myself. And I now need to learn how to sell their products. I need to study the material they give me so that I am knowledgeable and I know what I am talking about. I know myself, and I know I will be good at this in time, I just need to observe and take things in before I can really get out there. I'm not sure that they want to move at my pace however, I think I need to move a little bit faster, try a little bit harder, and study just a little bit more. Like I always say... Life is a challenge and like my boss said to me, I really need to step it up and prove to everyone that they hired me for a reason. I need to snap into reality.

Changes

So, recently I was hanging out with my friend and we were just chatting away about a million different things. Things about our lives and the past and the experiences that we've been through. One thing came up that completely took my attention. I don't remember how exactly it came up but she was saying how she doesn't really think shes changed all that much since high school. I mean obviously shes changed in the normal ways, you grow up that happens, but all in all shes still the same person. I was so shocked by that comment I didn't even know what to say. I mean I'm not saying its a bad thing at all, it was just shocking to me because when I look back to when I was in high school, I can see how much I've changed in enormous ways. In fact when I look back 6 years ago, I barely recognize that girl.

What makes us change? What makes us think differently? Why do some people change more than others and how does that whole process take place? I don't think that I was completely lost when I was younger, but pretty close to it. I've learned a lot over the years, but i think what I've learned the most is that I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot more growing up to do and even 10 years from now, I still won't know it all. You have to learn from every experience and every person you meet. I've been through a lot in my life, more than most people will ever know. I keep a lot to myself because re-living those horrible experiences is something I'd rather not do. I know that sometimes its important to get it all out of your system, but that's just not me. Instead I simply look back and realize how it affected me and how I can change from it all to become a better person. I want to look back on my life, not with regrets but with wisdom from what I learned. Every thing that happens teaches you something and every person you meet changes you in some way or another. So, this is what I've learned and how I've changed since high school...
Life is a roller coaster of emotions, there are going to be bad times and there are going to be good times... the best way to get through it all is to simply sit back and enjoy the ride.
Never regret anything, because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.
Learn something from everyone you meet.
Stay positive.
Don't hold grudges.
Don't burn bridges.
Don't judge others.
Accept everyone for who they are.
Look for the good in everyone, even if it may take a while to find.
Open yourself up to new experiences.
Learn from your mistakes.
Keep an open mind.
Challenge yourself everyday.
I am beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder is true"
Everyone is different, its impossible to get a long with everyone.
Being depressed sometimes is more healthy than always trying to be happy.
Own up to your mistakes, and tell the truth, life will be so much easier.
Don't obsess over the past, instead remember what it taught you and move on.
Life is to short to stay angry, so get it out and get over it.
Trust others, but don't let people walk all over you.
If people don't treat you right, walk away from them, there is no need to seek their approval.
Care about other people, but remember to care about yourself.
You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.
Stand up for yourself, in a classy manor.
It's okay to have flaws, sometimes they are the best thing about a person.
Get out and do things that you enjoy.
Meet new people, accept new people into your life.
You have to work hard to get what you want in life.
Nothing comes easy, so stop waiting and make it happen.
Things will never go as you plan and the best times i've ever had were completely spontaneous.
Keep in touch with your friends, know who your true friends are.
Tell the people that you love, that you love them.
Take chances, you only live once, make it worth while.

"In life God does not give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need; to teach you, to hurt you, to love you, to make you cry, to make you laugh , to make you exactly the person...
t h a t y o u s h o u l d b e. "

Yes, I have changed a lot, but i've also been through a lot. If i came out of all that with nothing to gain or nothing to learn, then i think by now I would be an empty shell. Life throws some crazy things at you and its up to you to decide how to handle them. I found strength inside of of me and came out of everything okay. I feel like I am a better person because of the things I've been through. I'm proud of who I am today because I think I have good values and good beliefs. Some people may not agree with the things I do, say and think, but they don't have to. I think that's the biggest lesson I've learned, is how to have a mind of my own. I never had that before. I was constantly concerned with what other people thought and did that I never knew who I really was. I'm beginning to learn more and more about myself everyday. I'm learning more about the things I enjoy and value for myself rather than other people. Not everyone has to agree with me and I don't have to agree with everyone else. That's what makes us all unique. I've come a long way, and I know that I have a long way to go...

Life in the real world

I have officially been in the "real world" for seven months now. The first month was great, I had a lot of fun moving into my new apartment, reconnecting with my old best friend, laying around doing absolutely nothing and enjoying my time off. The next few months were a bit rocky and a bit downhill. I called it 'the rut,' always trying to tell myself that things will soon get better, i'm just in a rut. A rut of no money, no job, no friends i could really count on. I stayed positive through it all, I somehow found the strength inside of me to keep going, and I'm glad that I did.

A lot has changed since the summer. I now have money, a job, and some great friends that I know i can count on. I'm officially out of 'the rut.' I always knew i would get out of, it was just a matter of time and patience. So, here I am. An adult with a job and real responsibilities. How am I handling it? Pretty well I'd say. It's hard to be given so much responsibility when I haven't really had too much in my life till now. It's hard to feel so young in such and old world. It's hard to stay focused and work hard to get the things I want. It's hard to realize that I don't know it all and I have to learn from the people who do. It's hard to make mistakes when I'm used to making everything perfect. Life is hard, but I think that in the end it will all be worth it. I can't honestly say that I'm 100% happy right now, but i'm also not sad or depressed. I guess I'm just indifferent. I'm lost in a world of confusion and I'm slowly trying to get settled into my new life, while at the same time trying to have fun living in the present rather than the past or future. That's one of my greatest challenges in life. I've always had a hard time "living in the moment," but at least i'm trying. It's time to forget the past, but treasure the memories and remember what I learned. And its time to stop stressing about the future and deal with my life right now. I have so much faith in myself that I will make the right decisions and choices. I've gotten this far, all I need now is patience.. again. I'm out of the rut of no money, but I'm now in a new rut of trying to understand how to be an adult in the real world. Its time to be serious, its time to grow up, and as much as I don't want to, I know that I have to.

Life is challenge, nothing put in front of you is going to be easy, and to be honest I don't know if I would want it that way. When things are hard it only makes it that much more great when you finally get through it all. The bigger the challenge the bigger the reward and the more you can truly appreciate the things, the people, and everything you've worked hard to get in your life. I only have to keep telling myself that to keep myself motivated and staying positive. I know I can do it, I know things will work out, I know my life will be great... actually My life is already great... I'm looking forward to the rest of the real world and the many adventures and challenges that await me.

Life in the real world... So far so good.