Life's Roller Coaster

After reading a friends blog about her journey living in japan and the challenges shes facing. It got me to thinking about life and the constant roller coaster we are always on. She was going over the challenges to everyday life and it made me realize that even though we are both in an entirely different situation we are going through a lot of the same challenges. She is struggling with the language barrier and trying to understand everyone. In the business world, little did I know that they have their own language as well, with terminology that I simply do not understand and have to have my boss translate everything to me. It's a constant struggle to learn, remember, and be able to use and understand things about business that I simply did not learn in school.

She also talks about building new relationships. She said that the people in Japan don't know her as she was back home and the people back home don't know her as she is in Japan. I think this is common for everyone leaving college and entering into the real world. It is time to grow up and act more mature, but at the same time I just want to let loose and go crazy every now and then. I've been getting close to my boss, talking about everything from friends, to boys, to work, vacations. But sometimes I wonder, where do I cross the line? I've had the problem of being way too honest for my own good. I simply can't lie and if I do, I promise I will tell you that I lied to you shortly after. I just want everyone to know the real me without any boundaries, but I guess in some situations with some people you have to put up a shield and they don't necessarily need to know everything about you. They can simply know the you now, and the you as you continue to grow from here on out.

The last thing I wanted to talk about is Life's Roller coaster. My friend was explaining that her decision to stay another year in Japan was tough, because while most days she loves it. There are just others days when she can't stand it. A really bad day will turn out good by simple little things. I find this in my life all the time. And looking back, it's not just now, it's always been that way. I've had so many experiences where I just felt like I couldn't take it anymore. From people being rude to me, getting lost on the road for hours, nothing going right. I wanted to scream and cry and just quit right then and there. And then, in an instant I had one great account. The person was nice and actually needed my help, he was so shocked that I just showed up he wasn't at all mad for me dropping by without warning. He said he had been wanting someone to come by to help him out with some issues. I felt so great after leaving there that the entire rest of the bad day just sort of floated away and I was great. I loved my job and it was so rewarding after visiting 8 other accounts, that one account just made everything worth it.

The smallest things in life can change an entire emotion. Whether it be getting to a good account, having some students eat lunch with you, have someone simply be nice to you, or even have a stranger just smile to you on the street. I believe that the good things in life really do outweigh the bad. And if you can just hang out to those good moments and remember them when things seem so bad that you just want to quit, you will make it through, and be happy that you did. Life is a roller coaster. There are going to be so many ups and downs. Some really high ups and some really low downs. But in the end, its usually worth it. Just keep going, keep looking forward, and keep smiling because you never know when you could make someone Else's bad day, just turn around.

i think

i think...

i think people who judges someone without even knowing them are missing out on meeting some great people

i think being honest and fessing up to when you make a mistake will make you a much more respectable person

i think people who can't stand to be alone will never really be able to appreciate a relationship

i think people who don't learn from every single experience is missing out on so much wisdom

i think people who have to try to be liked... are trying to like themselves

i think people who find peace in chaos have the right idea

i think that people who are obsessed with being perfect will never be happy because perfection doesn't exist

think that the values of our society are completely ridiculous.... and i'm a victim of them

i think that people who stay in the same place forever are missing out on a world of opportunities

i think having an open mind is the most important trait

i think i'd love to be in love

i think that people who don't value their friendships, don't even value themselves

i think that i love people who look like they are carrying a wonderful secret

i think normalcy is a terrible word and should never be spoken

i think television can destroy your mind... i think it destroyed mine

i think that i want to experience every single part of life to the greatest extent possible

i think that i have a lot to learn.....

i think too much. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, sometimes it helps me to be sane, sometimes i think that i over think things. Sometimes life really doesn't make sense. Sometimes other people don't make sense to me. Sometimes, i realize... or other people help me to realize that I can't be concerned with other peoples lives... and that my life is the one i should concentrate on. Sometimes i wish i could make sense of everything... and then i realize that i can't and so i can only make sense of my life and my own thoughts and myself and how i want to live. What i want to value, and what i want out of life. from sex and the city "The most challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. and if you find someone to love the you, you love, well that's just fabulous."

waiting...

So, those of you who know me well and spend time with me know that i'm obsessed with weddings. I absolutely love everything about them, ever since I went to my cousins wedding when i was younger I literately fell in love with the idea of having an amazing wedding. I have it completely planned out everything from the place, the dress, the flowers, the cake and the honeymoon. That was the easy part. Finding a groom on the other hand proves to be a bit more difficult.

Now, I'm not saying that I want to get married right now or anytime in the near future. In fact marriage for me is in the far off distance. Right now, I just started this amazing job where i really have to focus and work hard. I really can honestly say that I don't want or need a boyfriend. Not that I wouldn't welcome one, but I guess I'm just not going out looking for one. Its too much of a distraction and right now I want to spend time with my friends and hang out and go crazy, travel, do anything i want to, while i'm still young. I have my whole life to be with someone, so I don't really want to start that right now. However, I would like to know that there will be one waiting for me when I am ready. When I want to settle down, it would be nice to have that reassurance that someone will be there. I know, I know, its so far away and so much can happen in that time, but like i said. It would just be nice to have that reassurance.

I don't think I've ever been in love. Actually I know I haven't. I've been in lust. In head over heals for you kind of lust, but it wasn't love. I was in limerence, I guess sara's the only one who knows what that means, but I guess its kind of like lust, sort of.

I was thinking earlier about the ideas of soul mates. And i think its kind of stupid. I mean there are billions of people in the world and you supposedly have one soul mate. How are you ever supposed to find that person. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, what if my soul mate lives in africa?? I'll never find them. Like I said, its stupid, maybe i just don't get it......

So this valentines day was very sad. I sat at home, alone, snowed in. I miss plattsburgh. Plattsburgh, I was surrounded by people all the time. At a moments notice I could call up any one of my friends and hang out with them. We could do anything, we could sit and watch a movie, go to the gym, go to the bar, go out to eat, study, go shopping, whatever. We could do anything. And on valetines day, even if I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, I still always had a date. One of my friends would always take me out. Now instead when I want to hang out with someone, I have to practically schedule an appointment to do so. Its like doing things at a moments notice just doesn't exist anymore. Everything is planned and set up so that it fits into their schedule. I miss plattsburgh.....

Speaking of plattsburgh... er sara... I bought my ticket to japan!!!! I'm so excited I can't wait. I think it might be the most exciting thing in my life thus far. So now, I'm waiting. Waiting to see my friend, waiting to go to japan, waiting for summer to get here. Since I need to save up money, I'll be going out as little as possible the next couple of months. Which is good since its cold out and I have to schedule appointments to see my friends, I won't have to worry about that so much.. So waiting for summer to get here... I hope it comes soon!

i miss summer

I miss summer. It was so warm outside today, it made me realize how much i love and really miss summer. It is by far my absolute favorite season. I love the weather, i love the sunshine, i love the clothes i get to wear, i love swimming, i love airconditioning, i love grass and flowers, i love the beach and the lake, i just love everything about it. i drove around all day (working) with my windows down and music playing, i just felt soo much better about life and i realized its because its no longer cold. i think that all the bad moods i've been in have been directly related to the weather. i hate winter, i hate cold, i hate snow, i hate ice, i hate winter clothes... i HATE winter.

So i know this is sounding like a terribly boring blog, but I just don't have much else to write about write now, besides that fact that i'm so excited that it was warm outside today. Also, this summer, for the first time since before i can remember, I have weekends off!! I am usually working working working, but this summer I don't work weekends!! I decided I'm going to do something every single weekend, whether it be go to the beach or to my moms camp or on a weekend trip or out drinking every night, whatever, I'm doing it because I can!! and also, I'm going to save up all my money until summer and not go out, not go shopping, not go out to eat for every single meal and save up so that I can have tons of fun this summer.!!!! okay, goodnight.

Studying...

I remember "studying" in college. I remember staying up all hours of the night cramming as much information into my brain that was humanly possible. I remember making acronyms in order to memorize pages and pages of information. I remember spending countless hours in the learning center with my marketing pals quizzing each other and having a good time, trying to lighten the situation. I remember waking up after only 3 hours of sleep to refresh my brain and study more so that I was positive nothing fell out of my head overnight. I also remember taking the test and nailing it. I remember hitting every mark because all of that studying actually paid off and I knew everything. And then I also remember forgetting everything practically a few hours after taking the exam. Well that's what college was. There were too many classes and too much information to retain it all.

Welcome to the real world.... Studying means studying to learn the material and remember it. It means not simply reviewing just to say that you did, but to be able to take that information and repeat it to a customer. Studying means you have to actually pay attention and let the information sink in rather than memorize and forget later. You can't forget this stuff, because its your job to remember. I am slowly starting to get a huge slap in the face that school is over. I'm not doing this "studying" just to get good grades, but I'm doing the studying to make money. To make money for my self, my company, my co-workers. People are actually counting on my to study and remember what I learned and use that information to expand their business.

Today, my boss told me something that really made realize that I need to step it up a notch. I need to stop slacking off and acting like I am still a student with nothing to lose but a bad grade. She told me that I was pretty much one of the only people in the entire company that hired straight out of college. She said that most people they hire will have a few years of sales experience or at least food service experience under their belt, I on the other hand, have none. She told me that I impressed them in my interview because I was able to sell myself. And I now need to learn how to sell their products. I need to study the material they give me so that I am knowledgeable and I know what I am talking about. I know myself, and I know I will be good at this in time, I just need to observe and take things in before I can really get out there. I'm not sure that they want to move at my pace however, I think I need to move a little bit faster, try a little bit harder, and study just a little bit more. Like I always say... Life is a challenge and like my boss said to me, I really need to step it up and prove to everyone that they hired me for a reason. I need to snap into reality.

Changes

So, recently I was hanging out with my friend and we were just chatting away about a million different things. Things about our lives and the past and the experiences that we've been through. One thing came up that completely took my attention. I don't remember how exactly it came up but she was saying how she doesn't really think shes changed all that much since high school. I mean obviously shes changed in the normal ways, you grow up that happens, but all in all shes still the same person. I was so shocked by that comment I didn't even know what to say. I mean I'm not saying its a bad thing at all, it was just shocking to me because when I look back to when I was in high school, I can see how much I've changed in enormous ways. In fact when I look back 6 years ago, I barely recognize that girl.

What makes us change? What makes us think differently? Why do some people change more than others and how does that whole process take place? I don't think that I was completely lost when I was younger, but pretty close to it. I've learned a lot over the years, but i think what I've learned the most is that I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot more growing up to do and even 10 years from now, I still won't know it all. You have to learn from every experience and every person you meet. I've been through a lot in my life, more than most people will ever know. I keep a lot to myself because re-living those horrible experiences is something I'd rather not do. I know that sometimes its important to get it all out of your system, but that's just not me. Instead I simply look back and realize how it affected me and how I can change from it all to become a better person. I want to look back on my life, not with regrets but with wisdom from what I learned. Every thing that happens teaches you something and every person you meet changes you in some way or another. So, this is what I've learned and how I've changed since high school...
Life is a roller coaster of emotions, there are going to be bad times and there are going to be good times... the best way to get through it all is to simply sit back and enjoy the ride.
Never regret anything, because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.
Learn something from everyone you meet.
Stay positive.
Don't hold grudges.
Don't burn bridges.
Don't judge others.
Accept everyone for who they are.
Look for the good in everyone, even if it may take a while to find.
Open yourself up to new experiences.
Learn from your mistakes.
Keep an open mind.
Challenge yourself everyday.
I am beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder is true"
Everyone is different, its impossible to get a long with everyone.
Being depressed sometimes is more healthy than always trying to be happy.
Own up to your mistakes, and tell the truth, life will be so much easier.
Don't obsess over the past, instead remember what it taught you and move on.
Life is to short to stay angry, so get it out and get over it.
Trust others, but don't let people walk all over you.
If people don't treat you right, walk away from them, there is no need to seek their approval.
Care about other people, but remember to care about yourself.
You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.
Stand up for yourself, in a classy manor.
It's okay to have flaws, sometimes they are the best thing about a person.
Get out and do things that you enjoy.
Meet new people, accept new people into your life.
You have to work hard to get what you want in life.
Nothing comes easy, so stop waiting and make it happen.
Things will never go as you plan and the best times i've ever had were completely spontaneous.
Keep in touch with your friends, know who your true friends are.
Tell the people that you love, that you love them.
Take chances, you only live once, make it worth while.

"In life God does not give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need; to teach you, to hurt you, to love you, to make you cry, to make you laugh , to make you exactly the person...
t h a t y o u s h o u l d b e. "

Yes, I have changed a lot, but i've also been through a lot. If i came out of all that with nothing to gain or nothing to learn, then i think by now I would be an empty shell. Life throws some crazy things at you and its up to you to decide how to handle them. I found strength inside of of me and came out of everything okay. I feel like I am a better person because of the things I've been through. I'm proud of who I am today because I think I have good values and good beliefs. Some people may not agree with the things I do, say and think, but they don't have to. I think that's the biggest lesson I've learned, is how to have a mind of my own. I never had that before. I was constantly concerned with what other people thought and did that I never knew who I really was. I'm beginning to learn more and more about myself everyday. I'm learning more about the things I enjoy and value for myself rather than other people. Not everyone has to agree with me and I don't have to agree with everyone else. That's what makes us all unique. I've come a long way, and I know that I have a long way to go...

Life in the real world

I have officially been in the "real world" for seven months now. The first month was great, I had a lot of fun moving into my new apartment, reconnecting with my old best friend, laying around doing absolutely nothing and enjoying my time off. The next few months were a bit rocky and a bit downhill. I called it 'the rut,' always trying to tell myself that things will soon get better, i'm just in a rut. A rut of no money, no job, no friends i could really count on. I stayed positive through it all, I somehow found the strength inside of me to keep going, and I'm glad that I did.

A lot has changed since the summer. I now have money, a job, and some great friends that I know i can count on. I'm officially out of 'the rut.' I always knew i would get out of, it was just a matter of time and patience. So, here I am. An adult with a job and real responsibilities. How am I handling it? Pretty well I'd say. It's hard to be given so much responsibility when I haven't really had too much in my life till now. It's hard to feel so young in such and old world. It's hard to stay focused and work hard to get the things I want. It's hard to realize that I don't know it all and I have to learn from the people who do. It's hard to make mistakes when I'm used to making everything perfect. Life is hard, but I think that in the end it will all be worth it. I can't honestly say that I'm 100% happy right now, but i'm also not sad or depressed. I guess I'm just indifferent. I'm lost in a world of confusion and I'm slowly trying to get settled into my new life, while at the same time trying to have fun living in the present rather than the past or future. That's one of my greatest challenges in life. I've always had a hard time "living in the moment," but at least i'm trying. It's time to forget the past, but treasure the memories and remember what I learned. And its time to stop stressing about the future and deal with my life right now. I have so much faith in myself that I will make the right decisions and choices. I've gotten this far, all I need now is patience.. again. I'm out of the rut of no money, but I'm now in a new rut of trying to understand how to be an adult in the real world. Its time to be serious, its time to grow up, and as much as I don't want to, I know that I have to.

Life is challenge, nothing put in front of you is going to be easy, and to be honest I don't know if I would want it that way. When things are hard it only makes it that much more great when you finally get through it all. The bigger the challenge the bigger the reward and the more you can truly appreciate the things, the people, and everything you've worked hard to get in your life. I only have to keep telling myself that to keep myself motivated and staying positive. I know I can do it, I know things will work out, I know my life will be great... actually My life is already great... I'm looking forward to the rest of the real world and the many adventures and challenges that await me.

Life in the real world... So far so good.