Autumn in a city is not autumn in the country

We'll see how this goes with my one handed (left handed) typing. I had surgery on my shoulder last week and I'm already incredibly frustrated trying to live my life one handed. I feel like I can't do anything and even though Jimmy is a huge help I can't help but be frustrated in this situation. I feel like I'm already counting down the days until I get my life back.

November 1st already and I feel like my favorite season is slipping away from me without even being able to really experience it. I went on zero hikes when I normally try to go every weekend. I guess not having a car + no friends= no hiking. I also didn't get to partake in any halloween festivities, which is another of my favorite things to do... No hay rides, no haunted houses, no corn mazes, no apple picking, no carving pumpkins and worst of all no halloween party and no costume. I didn't even realize when I scheduled my surgery that it was 5 days before halloween!! I also haven't seen any fall colors, no adirondacks in the city. I do have to add that we went on a camping trip for my birthday and even though it rained the whole time, I had a lot of fun being outdoors again!

Okay, enough complaining. My plans for post-surgery/ sling are very exciting I can hardly wait. I signed up for a 9 week photography course that starts the week I get to take my sling off!! I'm most excited about this. I'm hoping through this class I'll perfect my favorite hobby and meet new people while enjoying time by myself. I also plan on taking the follow up courses when this one is over. This class takes place once a week. I decided I should also take advantage of my companies $900 gym reimbursement (it sounds like a lot but gyms in nyc are about $80/month). My goal is to work out 3 times a week. I will also be very busy with physical therapy for a while, so hopefully by our cruise in April, I'll look amazing! I'm hoping by the end of February/early March I'll be well enough to snowboard and get a few run in this year. I'm going to start cooking more, my goal is twice a week to cook dinner. I can't wait to start everything and get out of this house!! It's been a rough fall, I'm trying my best to adjust and hopefully things will get better soon.

Summer in the City

Life changes. I strived to get them and here I am. Happy? I guess you could say I'm not "unhappy". Since I made the decision to change my life and move to NYC it has been a constant struggle to adjust to this new life. I spent my summer in Manhattan and definitely enjoyed it while I was there, but I'm just not sure I was there long enough to get the full "experience" I wanted to get. Living in Long Island is not exactly what I call ideal. But living with my boyfriend helps to make the situation much more enjoyable. The only issue I struggle with now, is finding a balance between my own life and my life with him. I moved in here before I was settled into my new life and I now struggle to find myself in this city while trying to live a life with him. I never got the chance to really find my own place here. I missed out on the opportunity to explore and challenge myself to new adventures. I can't say I regret anything, its more about learning to make myself happy first without having to rely on someone else for happiness.

At the end of the day with all of the struggles I face with a new job, new friends, new environment. I know that I ultimately made the right decision. I left because I NEEDED a change. I needed something challenging and different in order to experience life. I needed to have this so that I could one day wake up and KNOW that I took a chance even though I was scared and made things happen when I wasn't sure that I could. At the end of the day I know that my life here will be okay. It's going to take time and its going to take adjustments, but just like I always do, I'll make things work here.

Autumn Ending Fast...

Eventually, all of the pieces will fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason. I've been living by this quote the past several months. I feel like summer just ended yesterday. How is it that the summer seemed to have lasted FOREVER and Fall feels like it just started and is now over? I'm definitely feeling more at ease these days. After a hectic/chaotic summer I needed a break. I had to stop and breathe. I had to take some time to catch my breath. That is exactly what I have been doing. So far, so good. Still waiting for those pieces to fall into place, but I'm definitely in no hurry at all.

I've been living in the moment and trying my best to enjoy each day as it comes to me. I've been very busy this fall, traveling a lot. Seeing my friends and keeping out of trouble for sure. Working hard and trying to refocus and get organized. I'm getting a new roommate and couldn't be more excited. I'm hoping to pay off lots of debt and begin to save money for my next adventure. What exactly is that next adventure? Who knows. So many options, so many choices. All that can be decided when the time is right.

Every ending has a new beginning

As we come to an end of this summer I am both excited and sad at the same time. I went through a roller coaster of emotions, but at the same time had the time of my life. Breaking up with my boyfriend was one of the best things I did for myself. Not only did it open up many, many doors, but it let me have one of the best summers of my life. You really never know where life will take you. The people you meet can change your life in an instant. I met some amazing people this summer and reconnected with some amazing old friends as well. It's funny how you get into a relationship and the rest of the world seems to just fade away in that moment of time. I hope that in my next relationship this doesn't happen.

I am definitely exhausted. This summer has wore me down both physically and emotionally. I don't think I have stopped since it started. Every time I tell myself that I want to stop and slow down for a bit I find something else to do. For now I think that is okay. I can slow down when I'm ready. I'm slowly getting excited for our trip to Spain. I have been way too busy to even realize that it is just around the corner. I guess that is what happens when you are having fun with life. You aren't constantly waiting around for something big to happen. You are making something big happen as you go.

Some fun things that I will miss about this summer: Boating on the lake, camping trips, spontaneous shopping trips with the girls, girls nights (that will continue beyond summer), Adirondack extreme, summer concerts (wish I went to more!), Being in the sun, swimming, Eric's hockey game (definitely will continue), My amazing summer party, The track and Saratoga, being with really good friends.

So as this summer comes to an end. I am very excited to see where fall will take me. My life these days feels very unplanned and for the first time, I'm okay with that. You really never do know where life will take you. Stop planning and live your life. It is my firm believing that life is all up to fate and that everything really does happen for a reason. I think that no matter what things will turn out okay. That my life will be amazing and I'm excited to see where it will take me. It's funny how only three years ago I thought I had everything laid out. I thought I knew exactly where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. Now I have absolutely no idea and that is the best feeling in the world. I have every opportunity put in front of me and nothing holding me back from taking advantage of any of them.

A New Chapter

I never blog anymore. I got really into it for a while and I think I stopped because I was bored and running out of things to say, plus I don't think anyone was really reading it. I don't care either way...

I am beginning a new chapter in my life. I feel like I have come to a point in my life where I really need to stop and refocus everything I've ever thought. Well, maybe not completely but for the most part. I am in the process of an entirely new self discovery and trying to change in new ways and for the better. I am trying to experience life in a more positive way and really find out what I want to get out of life. I want to find my purpose and meaning to the world.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, a decision that came about over too many issues to fully explain. The main reason I think is because when I got out of college I felt like I was on a path. A path to live the everyday life that people are "supposed" to live. I had to get a job, find someone to marry, and have kids, then live happily ever after. I wanted all of this until I had it. I then began to feel like I couldn't breathe. Like every single part of me was being stripped away. I didn't know who I was and I didn't know how to find myself. I felt trapped. Trapped in a life that I didn't know if I wanted.

The good thing about this new chapter I am about to enter is that I still don't know what I want out of life. I still don't know who I am or who I want to be. The difference now is that I have an entire world of possibilies placed before me. I can do anything in the world that I want to do and no one will ever hold me back... I think that is the best feeling in the world.

One year with Kraft

It's official... I have now been a working girl for exactly one year today. I actually made it and I have to say that it feels amazing. The funny thing is, this is the longest job i have ever worked consecutively. There were no breaks, no summer vacations, no stops between school. I actually did it. When I look back to last year, I remember how absolutely excited I was. I was nervous and in complete awe of everything. I had worked so hard to get here that I was practically speechless. It has been a good year though. Slightly stressful, slightly confusing, but completely worth it. I learned a lot and I still have a lot to learn. I feel that I grew up a bit this past year, but I still have a lot of growing up to do. I have had some amazing experiences and met some amazing people as well. Here are some of the things that I have been up to this year... One thing I can say is that a year goes by FAST... I mean really fast, I don't think that I ever remember school going by this fast. It feels like just yesturday I was starting out. Where has the time gone? I hope that next year doesn't go by so fast because i'm not all that sure I'm ready to grow up yet. I still feel young, I am young, but i'd just like it to stay that way. All in all, it was an amazing year, and I only hope that next year will be just as amazing if not more. I am so grateful to be where I am today. I think that I have worked hard to get here and it only shows that hard work really does pay off. Thanks to everyone that helped get here.

i was "that girl" again

I'm the first one to admit that I have been "that girl" many times in my life. Now in case you're confused, "that girl" is that completely wasted ridiculous girl at the party. Well, shes been retired for over a year now and I have to say, she came back this past weekend........ And I LOVED it. I'm not gonna lie, I really did. I guess I sometimes just miss that lifestyle especially when I was reliving it with my best friends in the world. Thats what I love about them the most is that I can be "that girl" and its okay. I can be more myself around them than anyone else and its completely acceptable. Because being myself is sometimes a bit crazy and I've learned to realize that maybe not everyone can handle it. I've definitely learned to tone things down a bit this year, but its nice to act that way sometimes and not care because i know that no one else really cares either. Or maybe they do, but at least they can handle it. I was reading a blog posted by sara http://vagabondsara.blogspot.com/2007/10/odyssey-years.html . After reading this I realized something about my life this past year that i've been missing. I'm missing that so called odyssey years because I jumped so fast into the rest of my life. DOn't get me wrong, I'm completely satisfied with the life that I have and the job that I have. I wouldn't give it up, but I feel like I missed out on those years. The years to extend the college lifestyle in an adult world. The years to travel and see things. The years to experience life without worrying about anything. I feel as though I may have missed out on those years to explore and figure out what I fully want out of life.

I was depressed about all of this (missing plattsburgh and my friends and the odyssey years) for about 30 mins until I realized that I'm not missing out on anything. That I already semi know what I want out of life and I that I can still experience these things, with the career that I have. I may not be able to do everything that I wanted, but at the same time I don't have to grow up completely either. I can still live life to the fullest and work hard at the job that I'm in. I can learn to balance out my work life and play life and I can explore the world at the same time. I can do all of the things that are spoken about in the article while still staying focused on my career and the rest of my life. I can do all of this because I'm still young enough to do whatever I want. So, maybe I don't want to be "that girl" every weekend or every night, but I can still enjoying spending time with friends and making new ones along the way. I can still enjoy travelling (maybe in smaller more spaced out time frames than I'd hope) I can still do it.

I have no regrets in life, I have no regrets about the life I have chosen. I also realize that my life is not over and from past experience can tell me that the future is completely unknown and completely unpredictable. I can do whatever it is that I want in life and what I want in life may change tomorrow. As long as I'm happy with where I am, I think things are going to be okay. I may still feel like a child trapped in this very adult world scratching to get out, but I guess I'll just have to take another trip up to plattsburgh or to visit my friends to get a break from it all. I do miss plattsburgh and I do miss my friends and my old life, but I'm absolutely loving my new life and my new friends that I have right now. No complaints in this department...